Dreamer Girl 9:03 pm on November 3, 2014
Tags: 2

Here is my attempt at…

Here is my attempt at the Hub Challenge #2!:
http://dreamsbrightascitylights.wordpress.com/2014/11/03/when-i-could-finally-breathe/

whisper2scream 11:36 pm on November 3, 2014

You story presents an intriguing mix of emotions of images. In a matter of paragraphs, you take the reader on quite the roller coaster ride. Well done. Your use of imagery is strong. I appreciate how you make me work as a reader – because the pay off is all the sweeter. If you ever return to this piece to revise it, you might consider reworking the final 2 paragraphs just a tad – specifically around the fire image. “Fire” is used perhaps one (or two) times too many. A slight rewording would make it even stronger. Thanks for sharing this.
- dreamsbrightascitylights 9:08 pm on November 4, 2014
  
  Thank you! I really appreciate your feedback, thanks for the tip 🙂

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