Realised Fairy Tale (part two)

It’s been a long difficult week (is it Friday YET?). I pushed aside the little work I had and tried to focus on this story. It was a battle tonight. I had to wrestle words out of my head and rewrote sentences quite a few times. For all that effort, I am unsatisfied. I am not sure this passage actually has to be so long. (Could perhaps be reduced to a paragraph?) Anyway, we are all works in progress, so I submit it to you for your literary expertise.
I am trying to build some excitement. Did you feel that?
https://littlelearner.wordpress.com/2015/01/29/realised-fairy-tale-part-two/

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