Deepest Treasures (part eight)

Help! I would appreciate your suggestions here.
This is a “transitional” piece in the story. What do you think? Does it “fit?” Argh! I am not sure why I am not 100% happy here and would appreciate some objective opinions. Thank you. 🙂
http://littlelearner.wordpress.com/2014/11/19/deepest-treasures-part-eight/

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