Help needed… I wrote a…

Help needed… I wrote a short fiction, Breakfast Act,
and I would like to ask for your feedback on the following:

1. Are the tenses consistent?
2. Is the story flow smooth?
3. Are there any grammatical errors?
4. Are the characters distinct? Were you left wondering who was talking to who?

Hope you could help me, I really want to improve on writing fiction stories… but I can’t seem to find rapport…