Broken and Repairing . . .

The original piece with this title was written by whisper2scream and is here.
pricelessjoy took that piece and added to it, creating a great twist. That piece is here.
I wanted to “play” too, so here is my story:
http://littlelearner.wordpress.com/2014/10/21/broken-and-repairing-a-different-story/
Do you think it is too long? Should it be tightened? Does it work?

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